Low in spirit. Feeling depressed today.

Found it dreadful to live in a "new" country in 3 yrs time. Everything seems to be planned and I have no control over it. One person have to sacrificed for the another. A typical two-body problem.

I don't know why I should follow this path. I cherish my time over here. I do feel lonely and miss home sometimes. But where's home? I live half of my life overseas, away from my family and my friends, moving from one place to another and seeing no end to it. I do worry about my parents whose health has not been in great shape but on the other hand, I really feel that I don't fit into the my old place any more. I have seen new places and meet with new people and my perception of life has changed. Yet, I feel uncomfortable to call the current place I live home. No, I can't. It's a culture that I partly understand and mostly misunderstood.

I feel bad for my love one. We have separated for so long, meeting only twice a year. It has been four years that we have lived our life apart. Yet we hang onto it. And we both make sacrifices along the way. But I just find it very hard to live in a place where I spent 5 yrs of my youth before and found the place boring. On many occasion, I do want to say let's quit. I have enough staying alone and living like a monk. I find it hard and perhaps unnecessary.

But here I am again. Not knowing what I truly want.